Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my words and the order in which I put them. Don't sue, cause I don't want to give you my cat.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Noah, Luke/Reid
Word Count: 21 500 for all 8 parts
Warnings: Angst, Adultery, Alison (she's not really a warning, I just like alliteration)
Spoilers: None unless you haven't watched in the last few months. No future spoilers.
Summary: Following the events of the past six months this is the story of how three men Luke Snyder, Noah Mayer and Reid Oliver found themselves at the mercy of love, friendship and betrayal.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Those are pretty much the only words that Luke can wrap his mind around. Nothing else can really convey how incredibly bad this situation has now become. After Noah leaves him standing in Reid's hallway, Luke begins to seethe. And he knows just the person who has to pay. He bangs on Reid's door furiously, insisting he open up, screaming at the top of his lungs. But there was no answer. Katie comes home soon after to find the hallway of her apartment a mess with discarded pizza, full bottles of beer and one very angry Luke Snyder. She refuses to let him in to talk to Reid, and even insists he leave immediately or she's calling the cops.
So he leaves. As furious as he is, he doesn't need the hassle of being dragged downtown for disturbing the peace. And he has bigger things to worry about. Big angry boyfriend shaped things. On his way home he calls Noah repeatedly, leaving voice message after message. It's not that he really thought Noah would answer the phone, but he had hoped. It's when he calls his dad to check on Noah that he realizes just how bad things are. Everyone is going to find out what he did, it's inevitable. But he can't worry about that right now, because he just wants to make sure Noah's alright. Holden has just about as much luck as Luke did, so he decides to call it quits for the night. Go home and regroup. He'll figure out how to fix this. And fix it he will, first thing tomorrow. Too bad he doesn't think he'll actually get any sleep tonight.
The next morning Luke heads straight over to Noah and Allison's apartment, ready to fight for what he wants. He is fully aware that he is once again putting his feelings and needs ahead of Noah's but this time it's for the greater good. At least that's what he tells himself the whole way there anyway.
He knocks on the door hoping Noah will answer, but kind of expecting no answer at all. What he for some reason didn't anticipate was the small pissed off woman right before his eyes. She comes out in to the hallway, shutting the door behind her with a look that says You want to get to him? You've got to go through me first.
"Um, hey Ali, is Noah home? I really need to talk to him" Luke hopes he can avoid having a second dramatic scene in an apartment hallway in as many days. But the look on Ali's face isn't a promising one.
"Don't you 'Hey Ali' me. I really can't believe you Luke. Do you have ANY idea what you've done to him?"
Of course he knows what he's done. It's the reason he hasn't slept and why for the first time in over a year he has even considered taking a drink. He knows how bad he feels, so he can only imagine what Noah's going through. He knows the look of devastation he saw on Noah's face last night. Yup, he knows exactly what he's done.
"Of course I know Ali! Why do you think I'm here? I know you love Noah and you're just looking out for him, but I can't do this right now. I really need to talk to him."
Allison's eyes narrow as she crosses her arms over her chest, leaning on the apartment door. "No."
"No? What the hell do you mean no? You have NO right to keep me from talking to my boyfriend."
Ali rolls her eyes incredulously. Luke can't believe that she of all people is treating him like this.
"So he's your boyfriend now is he? Well isn't that convenient. Was he also your boyfriend when you were fucking his doctor?"
Okay, so he knows he deserves that. But he can't just stand here and get berated. Not when Noah is just on the other side of the door.
"Who are you to talk Ali? You cheated on my best friend AND my brother! So don't act like you are some paragon of virtue, when we both know you're not."
The look on Allison's face is almost enough to make Luke want to just apologize and walk away. She looks so hurt, so devastated. Like she's come to accept that she'll never be forgiven for her past mistakes. Luke feels like an even bigger ass than he did when he showed up this morning.
"Yeah I know I've made mistakes," she replies. "Pretty much wrote the book on how not to be in a relationship. But I want more than that for Noah. He deserves so much more than that. And the fact that you couldn't give him that makes you about as awful as I am. You have hurt one of the best people I've ever known Luke. And for what? To get your rocks off with a world class neurosurgeon? I hope it was worth it Luke, I really do. But I can't imagine anything would be worth breaking Noah's heart."
As she opens the door to go back inside, Noah is standing in doorway. He looks absolutely gutted, like he spent the whole night suffering. Of course he did, what else does a person do after having their heart broken? He pulls Ali into a tight hug, whispering something in her ear. Luke can't tell what they are saying, but it looks like she is disagreeing with him. Finally she sighs and grabs her keys off the table, heading out past Luke. She makes Noah promise to call if he needs her.
Noah just leaves the door open and walks away. Luke figures that's the best invitation he'll be getting and follows, closing the door behind him.
Noah is sitting on the couch, the tv on the volume muted. It's another one of those black and white movies that he probably already knows all the dialogue to, but it's still the saddest thing Luke has ever seen.
"So you wanted to talk," Noah says, his words cold and clipped. "So talk."
Now that Luke has Noah's full attention, he's not sure what to say. But he knows what he needs Noah to hear. "Noah, I love you and I am so fucking sorry. I don't know what else to say, because nothing I say can change what I've done. But I am so sorry Noah. I am so, so sorry."
Luke is now sitting on the floor by the couch hands in his head. He really can't believe that they are here. That he caused this. How the fuck did my life come to this?
"Are you done?" Noah isn't even looking at him. He's still facing the tv, silently watching as black and white characters engage in conversation on a train. And the look on Noah's face indicates that he'd rather be anywhere but here with Luke. It's a hard thing to see.
"I guess?" Luke responds. He's not sure if he should continue on when it looks like it's getting him nowhere.
"You've said your piece. You can leave now." Luke knows the smart thing to do would be to respect Noah's wishes, stand up and leave. But he just can't. He needs more than that. He needs yelling, tears, hell even a punch to the face would be better than this cold indifference that Noah is radiating. So Luke just keeps sitting.
Noah ignores him for another few minutes, then turns to Luke and says, "What exactly do you think you're doing? I let you in, you've said what you came to say, now go."
But Luke just keeps on sitting, not talking, barely even moving. He's somehow convinced himself that this is the right thing to do. That he will force Noah to deal with this. To deal with him. He can't just be pushed aside. They sit there for another few minutes in silence until Noah stands up, walks quickly over to Luke and pulls him to his feet.
"Luke, please," he pleads. Like he's just so tired. "Just go home. You're sorry, I get it, but I don't know what else you want from me. I gave you everything I had and that still wasn't enough. What more do you want from me?"
Noah looks absolutely broken, completely vulnerable and small. Which at his size is quite the feat. His shoulders are slumped, his head hanging down. And it's all Luke's fault. He did this to Noah and every minute he stays in this apartment he continues doing this. Hurting him. I can't do this anymore, he thinks. I can't keep hurting him. I love him too much. So he turns towards the door to leave.
Just as he turns the knob, he thinks he hears Noah say something, something that sounds like "Why?" As he turns back around he sees Noah, tears streaming down his face, and realizes that's what he did ask.
"I really don't know. I wish I knew. All I know is that I didn't want to lose you, but I was scared. I was scared of you pushing me away again, scared of losing you, so I guess a part of me didn't feel like I could be with you 100%."
"What about him?" Noah asks, the icy tone returning to his voice.
"Um, he, well he and I had started something before you and I got back together. There were a few moments where I even thought that if you and I didn't get back together he and I might have, I don't know. Something. But then you and I did get back together and I know you may not believe me, but it IS what I wanted. But another part of me still wanted to know what I would have been missing with R-him."
Noah wipes his eyes and glares at Luke in a way that makes him think he should have left when he had the chance.
"So let me get this straight. You were afraid I would hurt you again so instead you decide to hurt me? Was this some kind of payback? Did Reid," Noah flinches as he mentions the name, "even really like me? I bet you both had a good laugh in bed about what I fool I was. Well Luke, if you wanted to hurt me for the times I hurt you, you have more than succeeded. But I'm really not a fan of this game and I would like for it to end now. So look, we're even. I broke your heart and you broke mine. Just leave me alone."
Luke doesn't know what to say. There really isn't anything more he can say. At least not now. But he can't walk away not knowing if or when he'll see Noah again.
"Noah I," Luke begins, but Noah seems to have had enough.
"No Luke! I heard you out, you've said your piece now get out and leave me the fuck alone. Please?" Noah's voice cracks on the last word as if he's barely holding himself together by a thread. So Luke walks to the door and out of Noah's life.
A couple of days later Noah heads to the hospital to see Bob about changing doctors. His secretary said to just drop by anytime, so he heads in first thing in the morning, hoping that Reid is either not in yet, or in surgery. As he sits in the lobby outside of Bob's office his secretary mentions that he is in with someone at the moment and then has a conference call scheduled, but will be available within the hour. So he waits, trying desperately not to think of anything. Not Luke, not Reid, not how bad he feels every minute of the day. Ali filled Casey in on what was going on, and as a result Noah was forced into a night of male bonding with the classic staples of beer, pizza and Guitar Hero. And try as he might (since Noah is always so eager to please), the evening wasn't really what you would call a success. It was more like a "how many things remind me of Luke" torture session with Casey along for the ride. If it wasn't the pizzeria where Casey picked up their dinner, it was the songs the featured in the game. Everything reminded him of Luke, because Luke was his everything.
As the door to Bob's office opened Noah shook his sad and pathetic thoughts away. I am a grown man, and I will act like one. It was a great idea, but even a grown man had his limits. Like coming face to face with the guy sleeping with your boyfriend for instance. As Reid approaches, Noah stands up. He really can't bear the thought of Reid looking down on him in any way. At first he just wants to punch him, but this isn't the time or the place. And he really doesn't know what to say, since he isn't exactly familiar with how to deal with "the other man." So he just stands there, at his full height, towering over Reid. He at least won't give him the satisfaction of seeing him slumped in a corner.
Just then Bob sticks his head out of his office.
"Noah? My conference call has been delayed, so if you want to follow me." Bob's timing is absolutely perfect. Like a three-pointer right at the buzzer perfect. A basketball metaphor? Luke really is ingrained into every part of his life.
So he brushes past Reid, head held high and enters Bob's office, closing the door behind him.
"So I assume you're hear to talk to me about the change?" Bob asks, as he gestures to a chair for Noah to sit in.
"Sorry? What change is that?"
"The new doctor that will be looking after your case."
Noah is really confused. Did Reid tell Bob about what happened? Was he removed as Noah's doctor? Did the mighty Reid Oliver actually admit making a mistake?
"Well, since you are still in recovery and Dr. Oliver is unfortunately leaving us, I just wanted to reassure you that we have a fine staff here at Memorial and that you will still get the best of care."
Wait...what? Reid's leaving? Noah can't wrap his brain around this. Because of Luke? Noah wonders if he's returning to Texas, but he doesn't ask, since that would presumably be something he would know. Something anyone with a healthy relationship with their doctor would know.
"Um, yeah." He stutters as he makes his way towards to door. "I just wanted to make sure, that I was covered as far as my care is concerned. Thanks, sir."
"Call me Bob, Noah." As many times as Bob asks, Noah always agrees, but never does. "Oh and one more thing." Noah stops just before he reaches the door. "I hear your sight has improved dramatically, and that's wonderful." Noah smiles sheepishly. He's finding it really hard to reconcile his gratitude for Reid restoring his sight and his hatred for, well for the rest of it. "And I also heard," Bob continues, "that you and Luke have gotten back together. I didn't want to say anything, since it's not my place, but I always believed the two of you would work things out. You remind me a lot of myself and Kim. I just hope you don't have to go through as much turmoil as we did to find your happily ever after."
Bob's words are like a punch to Noah's gut, and he needs to get some fresh air as soon as possible. So he just replies with a "Thank you sir, thanks for everything" and walks out the office, and out of the hospital. He breathes a sigh of relief that at least he didn't bump into Reid again.
Part 7: la-fours.livejournal.com/4964.html#cutid