Title: You've Got The Love I Need To See Me Through
Prompt: My dream fic includes: protective!Mike and awesomesauce!Kevin? Pretty much in a nutshell. I will read and love anything - scout's honour
Summary: Kevin wants to come out and Mike supports him every step of the way.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kevin Jonas or Mike Carden, cause let's be honest, that would be fucking weird.
Word Count: 2800
Author's Note: This came out a lot more bittersweet than I had anticipated. I still really hope that you enjoy what I did with the prompt. Title comes from listening to way too much Florence and the Machine.
Kevin hates secrets. He always has and he probably always will. There are some exceptions to the rule of course, and those exceptions are surprises. Surprise gifts, parties, visits. You name it and add the word surprise to it and Kevin is so in. Because surprises are awesome.
So try as he might to put a positive spin on his father’s instructions to “Keep you relationship with Mike to yourself and out of the press.” Kevin can only see it as a big, fat, oppressive secret and therefore it makes him miserable.
“You know there is something pretty sexy about sneaking around” Mike often tries to reassure him. Always following his kind words with scalp massages, foot rubs or kisses. But even those moments are somewhat tense since Mike can never suck bruises into Kevin’s neck the way he obviously wants to, at least not above the collar of his shirt. But Mike’s words do continue to work for a few more months, though the whole “sexy sneaking” thing is kind of starting to lose it’s appeal now.
Kevin wants to be able to walk down the street holding Mike’s hand, without a thousand phone calls and a million questions to follow. He’s in love for the very first time in his life and he doesn't want to hide it.
It’s on one cold Chicago night in December that Kevin, lulled into absolute comfort as Mike cards his fingers slowly through his hair says out loud what he’s been thinking for months now.
“I think I’m going to come out.” He sighs. Just letting his statement hang in the air, waiting for Mike’s reaction.
“Do you think that’s the best thing to do Kev?” Mike finally replies. “I know you’re tired of all the sneaking around, and to be honest I am too, but this is bigger than your average coming out, kid.”
Kevin lets out a huge sigh, really letting himself feel the weight of his decision, “I know it’s going to cause so many problems, but who am I living my life for Disney, my family, or us?”
“Us?” Mike questions softly. “No matter what choice you make you have to put yourself and your future first. Forget every other outside influence and just think about you. I can deal no matter what. I’m here for you whether you’re in, out or around the fucking closet.”
Kevin raises his head off of Mike’s chest, as Mike groans softly apparently saddened at losing his man-blanket.
"This.” he motions his hands back and forth between them. “Is my life. As far as I am concerned there isn’t just a me anymore. There is a me and a you. All of this is about us. I couldn’t separate the two if I wanted to. So whatever decisions I make will have you in mind, because without you I have no life. At least not one that makes me nearly as happy.”
Mike’s eyes well up in a way that he will surely blame on allergies as he leans in cupping Kevin’s face with his hands.
“This.” he says as he repeats Kevin’s previous motion “is it for me. You, are it for me. So whatever you want I’ll be with you all the way. Never doubt that for a minute.”
Mike continues leaning in, pressing his lips to Kevin’s, kissing his smile so hard he develops one of his own. It must be contagious.
Kevin returns to L.A. the next day with Mike in tow. Though he assured him that he could do it on his own, Mike wasn’t having any of it. He just rolled his eyes and packed his bag with a “Shut up Jonas, I’m coming. Now pass me some underwear, since I don’t think your folks would be too keen on me going commando.”
And while Kevin has no issues with an underpantless Mike, he figures that they need to be on their best behaviour from here on out.
Kevin’s parents have met Mike before, and they even like him. Well it’s more like they tolerate him very politely. And while Kevin recognizes that they see him as the cause of their son’s descent into gayness, he really wishes that they would try harder.
After getting settled in Kevin’s apartment (which includes a little unpacking and a whole lot of making out, which leaves them both feeling wonderfully unsettled) they head over to his parents house for dinner. And while Mike would rather have spent a little more time getting reacquainted with Kevin’s wonderfully soft bed, they decide that it's probably best for Kevin to not show up on his parent’s doorstep looking thoroughly debauched. Mike happily accepts Kevin’s offer of an i.o.u. and informs him of his plans to collect it the minute they return home.
Dinner with Kevin’s parents is nice. And exceedingly polite. And incredibly awkward. The tension is even causing Joe to be pretty quiet. And Joe is never quiet. So Mike and Nick talk about guitars, while Frankie regales the entire table with the dramatic highs and lows of grade 5. Kevin remains uncomfortably silent, trying to find the best moment to speak up, but he finally decides that there is no best moment. There is only now.
“Mom, dad, guys. I have to tell you something.” he begins hesitantly. Mike squeezes his hand under the table, reminds him he’s not in this alone.
“You’re pregnant!” Joe blurts out completely out of nowhere. “I knew it!”
“Joseph, quit it!” their father yells, trying desperately trying to stay calm. Even though his parents now seem even more unhappy, Kevin relaxes some, knowing that he’s doing the right thing.
As Joe shuts his mouth with a smirk, Kevin can hear Frankie asking Nick “if dudes can ever have babies”. Nick shuts him down with a quick no, and reminds him to “never seek Joe for advice”
“Okay then” Kevin continues “What I really wanted to talk to you guys about does have to do with Mike and me but no Joe...no.” Kevin takes a deep breath and as he exhales the words just spill right out.
“I’m in love with Mike and I want to come out.” Mike is smiling as proudly as Kevin has ever seen him (there are even teeth involved), and Kevin presses on.
“I know why you wanted me to keep quiet, I get it. We are a Disney band. We have lots of young fans and many potentially angry parents. But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for those kids to know that Kevin Jonas is gay and it’s alright. Maybe it could even help others kids. But above all else, I know it will help me. I can’t keep lying about who I am. And I’m sorry if this upsets you guys, but that’s the way it is.”
Kevin’s mother is silent, her face unreadable, and her eyes brimming with tears. Kevin’s not sure whether that’s from pride or disappointment, but he’s sure he’ll find out soon.
“Kevin.” Paul Sr. begins cautiously. “You know we love you and God loves you, but I don’t know if I can let you do this. We have made promises, there are commitments to be honoured. Not only to Disney, but to God and for you to go out into the world and say that you’re- well it just flies in the face of everything we believe. Everything we’ve accomplished.”
Kevin looks like the wind has been knocked out of his sails. He anticipated some resistance of course, but was his dad really telling him no? Before he could formulate a response he felt Mike let go of his hand and respond.
“With all due respect sir, this isn’t your decision to make, it’s Kevin’s. And while he was polite enough to tell you first, he is an adult and doesn’t need your permission.”
The table is stunned into silence at Mike’s words, with Mike looking pretty surprised himself. It makes Kevin love him even more.
“You young man, have no right to come into my home and dictate how my family should deal with this, this situa-”
“I’m sorry sir,” Mike interrupts, his impatience clear as day “this is not a situation. Kevin is not a situation. He is your son and deserves to be treated with respect. I know he’s not perfect, hell neither am I. But what we have is amazing and if you still can’t manage to see that it’s your loss.”
Mike sits back down in his seat, immediately reaching for Kevin’s hand. And if he squeezes it just a little too tightly Kevin makes no mention of it. It is painfully quiet now, with no one willing to speak first, or no one knowing exactly what to say. Just as Kevin is about to try and salvage the situation as best as he can, his father stands up and clears his throat. This is not going to be good.
“Kevin. You are my eldest son and just as important a member of this family and of this band as anyone else. Your mother and I love you dearly even if we don’t always agree with you. I have tried to be a patient and caring father and I have tolerated a lot from you boys over the years. But this...disrespect? In my own home? I cannot and will not abide by that. You Mr. Carden, do not dictate how I raise my kids or how my family deals with its problems. Especially not when you are the cause of those problems. You will not-"
Before he knows exactly what he’s doing, Kevin is on his feet, his chair screeching loudly as he pushes away from the dinner table. “Dad stop!” he cries, louder than he can remember being in a very long time.
“You do not get to talk to Mike like that, not when all he has done is love me and look out for me and make me happier than I have ever been in my whole life.”
Mrs. Jonas sits silently looking pained, her glance constantly switching from her husband to her eldest son. Tears now slowly streaming down her face, she still says nothing.
Nick, sensing that things will probably get worse before they get better excuses himself quietly and nudges Joe and Frankie so that they follow him out of the dining room and away from the chaos. On the way out each brother squeezes Kevin's shoulder lightly, one after the other. A silent sign of support.
Normally, being without his brothers would make Kevin feel very lonely and isolated, since they have always given him a great sense of strength. Instead he flashes them a small smile that he doesn’t entirely mean, because as long as Mike is by his side he knows he will be okay.
“Mom, dad” he starts again “I want to make something very clear. I am gay. I always have been and I always will be. Mike did not do anything to influence, or aggravate or activate it if that’s what you think. Without him I would have still been gay, but I would be lonely as heck too.” No matter the situation, Kevin can never bring himself to swear in front of his parents. They did raise him right after all.
“So please listen to me when I say that the decisions I make are just that. My decisions. Mike would happily stay with a closeted me if that’s what made me happy. But it doesn’t. Lying doesn’t make me happy and you guys are the ones that taught me that.”
Sensing that their visit has come to an end, Mike stands up taking Kevin’s hand.
“We are going to go now” Kevin says as he and Mike move towards the front door, his parents following behind them.
“But this isn’t over.” his words aren’t laced with any malice or threat. If anything all that can be heard is the exasperation of someone tired of hiding and tired of lying.
“Maybe we should talk once we’ve all had a chance to calm down. I haven’t changed my mind, and I am going to come out publicly, I just hope you guys can support me and love me, cause I’m your kid.”
Seeing her opportunity to speak slipping away Mrs. Jonas finally speaks up.
“Kevin? We’ll see you for Christmas right?” Asking as though she already knows the answer, shed tears now staining her face.
“I don’t think so mom” Kevin painfully replies “I promise to call, but I need to be with Mike right now and this isn’t the most inviting place to be. If it’s alright with you guys I’d like to invite Joe, Nick and Frankie out to spend New Year’s with us in Chicago.”
Kevin glances at Mike hoping that he didn’t just over step his bounds and Mike squeezes his hand again, smiling and reassuring. If he had any doubts about being with Mike (which he doesn’t), that one look would wipe them all away.
The four of them stand awkwardly for a few moments before Mrs. Jonas makes the first move hugging Kevin tightly, leaving him wondering how much she actually agrees with his dad’s position. Unfortunately today doesn’t look like the day that anything will change, and as she slowly lets go both Kevin and Mike say goodbye and head out into the cool winter night.
They drive home in silence, as Kevin spends his time staring out the window of their rental car. Mike doesn’t push, but he leaves a reassuring hand on Kevin’s thigh. Reminding him that he is there for him and that he is not going anywhere.
The minute they enter Kevin’s apartment however it’s a different story. Suddenly Mike is being roughly pushed down on the couch, Kevin going straight for his belt buckle. This is never the way they have sex, and Mike doesn’t seem interested in that changing. At least not today.
As Kevin undoes Mike’s pants, rutting himself against Mike’s leg, getting himself hard,he begins sucking bruises in an almost painful way into Mike’s neck. Just as Mike’s body starts to respond accordingly, he gently pushes Kevin away, holding him at an arms length, both of them panting furiously.
"Kevin stop. Mike utters between gasps. "Slow down baby. What are you doing?"
Kevin is filled with an overwhelming sense of shame, as he climbs off of Mike and curls up, his knees to his chest at the other end of the couch.
“I-I just. I need you Mike. I may have just lost everything tonight, my family, my band, my entire career. And I just needed to know. I just. I don’t. I-”
Mike cuts him off with a desperate kiss of his own. A kiss claiming Kevin as his own from this point forward.
“I am so sorry baby. You didn’t deserve that tonight, none of it. And I am honoured that I am the man you would risk it all for. But I need you to understand” he takes Kevin’s tear streaked face in his hands.
“I am in this for the long haul. If it needs to be just you and me against the world, then so be it. Don’t get me wrong, I am going to fuck up. Do things that hurt you. Not that I want to, but I know sometimes I will. And you’re going to fuck up too. But as long as we’re fucking things up together we’ll be alright.”
An incredibly proud and incredibly happy smile spreads across Kevin’s face for the first time in a long time. He never knew he could ever feel this kind of love.
“That was possibly, the strangest, if not the most amazing declaration of love I’ve ever heard. Not that I’ve actually heard any other than yours, but you always seem to out do yourself Carden.”
“I didn’t say a single word that wasn’t true Jonas. Not a word”.
When they kiss again this time it’s not rushed and frantic, or possessive and needy. It is however full of passion and want, warm and wonderful. Reassuring and full of comfort, letting Kevin know that he is exactly where he needs to be.
They return to Chicago the next day, Kevin wanting to put as much space between him and his father as possible. And though Mike can’t truly empathize or guarantee that things are going to get better he can hold him when he’s sad, make him laugh when he’d rather cry and remind him everyday why all of this is worth it.
Kevin knows that Mike is worth it.